Gamer for Life

Sleep and waiting for UPS

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:15:33 GMT

I guess it was bound to happen. A week or so ago I was sleeping tons and tons for some reason. Now over the past 3 days I have hardly been able to sleep. I've gotten no more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. I have been waking up aching and sometimes cold, sometimes hot. It's been pretty bleh. I've been exhausted during the time when I am awake, but no matter how tired I get, I can only sleep that short bit of time.

And today was a perfect day to deal with that *sarcasm*. I woke up at 4 am, spent until 7am in bed and finally crawled out. And since then have been waiting for UPS to come with my computer. The tracker hasn't showed that it is "out on delivery" but the package got to Portland yesterday at 1am and they seems potty about updating their tracker anyway But, the problem is that I am feeling very tired right now and I dare not go to sleep for fear of missing UPS and having to repeat this process all over again.

My only hope is in retaining consciousness long enough to get my computer, set it up, start updates (and DLing WoW) and then I can go and pass out.

Storytime

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:49:31 GMT

Here is a little story I wrote because I was A. Bored, B. Inspired a little and C. had the urge to write something. I know it isn't exactly polished and i apologize for that. I'll get around to doing that sometime, perhaps after comments (if there are any, don't expect any). The character is Adilay, my Death Knight main on Kirin Tor.

The gate filled your gaze, no matter where you looked; dark and imposing, its edges sharp and jagged. The very look of it was one of malevolence, though it only hinted at the horrors enacted by those who hid behind it. Never the less, it’s presence was still foreboding, and it’s shadow hung heavy over those who stood before it, anxiously awaiting Highlord Bolvar’s arrival, so that he may lead the battle.

Adilay, despite being apart from the rest of the alliance soldiers could still feel it. He had seen first hand how the pressure, the anxiety of what was to come weighed down on those who had been his countrymen and were again. When he had come down to join their number, he had been given a wide berth, that is until some of the braver, or perhaps more fool-hearty had seen him.

“We don’t need your kind here, you were one of them,” a rather diminutive Knight-Captain spat at the death knight. Though not as vocal, some of the other men around him clearly shared the same view point, giving Adilay wary looks, all the while fingering their sheathed weapons.

Feeling a little disconnected from it all, he had ever since he had broken free from the scourge, since he had entered this life, Adilay couldn’t help but think that if he were just a few inches shorter, the Captain could be mistaken for a very tall, and heretically unbearded dwarf. And for just a moment his lips quirked upwards in a faint smirk at the thought, a moment that caused those sheathed weapons to come halfway out before Adilay came back to his senses.

Molding his features into smoothness, the uwelcome death knight calmly lifted a hand to try and stay their actions. “Please… do not do this.. I mean no harm. I am only here to…”

Yet the words were not even finished leaving his lips before the Captain cut through and spat on the ground and cut in, “Get out of here, before we cut you where you stand and send you back to whatever hole Arthas dug you out of.”

A brief rush of anger skittered through Adilay at the name of the man who had taken so much from him. His upheld hand clenched into a fist as he fought the urge to reach over his shoulder and grip the axe that was slung there. Yet the icy control prevailed in the end and after a long moment he simply nodded and turned and headed for the nearby cliffs.

Climbing up them he found a place where he could survey the field of battle, close enough that should it be necessary he could join without too much delay, but far enough away that he would be out of the hair of those who were still nervous about fighting side by side with a death knight.

And as the key players came to the scene, and the battle was joined with ghoul and vrykul, Adilay watched torn between the desire to aid in the fight, and the darker desire to let the fools die for denying his help. It wasn’t that he really wished them to suffer, but ever since he had become what he was, every sensation was a little bit less than what it once had been, every emotion and sensation except those that were most basic dulled. It had been a struggle for him to regain his usual sense of morality… the one he had known in life before the plagues had taken him. And even now he had to mentally correct himself sometimes. ‘And they just make it harder,’ he thought to himself with no small bit of bitterness.

But despite that, he kept an iron control over himself, and despite his urge to walk off and leave them behind, he refused to abandon his countrymen, abandon them as they fought to bring out and destroy the betrayer of his people.

Sometime during the fight, as the Alliance and Horde cleared up the remaining vrykul, Adilay’s axe found its way into his hands. His fingers idly ran over the runes etched in the blade, the ones that were frosted over and imbued his blade with it’s even colder edge. He wasn’t even consciously aware of his actions, so immersed in what was going on below him as he was. But then as the gates moved, and flickers of movement in the shadows beyond signaled His coming, for the Death Knight all went still.

He felt his body tense up as a voice, at once repulsive and seductive entered his mind. “They spit at you, the despise you. Why do you give up the strength and power you once had? For them? So they can use you and let you die. The only reason they allow you near them is so that you can do their work for them. Come home, fulfill the destiny that you had denied, help sweep this land clean of the living. Feel their bones crack beneath your boots.”

Racked with the thoughts, and images of all of those who had wronged him, given him distrusting looks since his return to the alliance being killed and subjugated, Adilay wasn’t aware of what was going on below him, wasn’t aware that already Saurfang the Younger lay dead at Arthas’s feet, his soul leeched away.

Though the oppressive thoughts did not last long, each moment of them seemed to last an eternity for Adilay. He warred with his conflicting desires, the ideas and memories of his time with the Scourge struggling to overcome the identity he had reinforced with himself, of who he had been before his death, who he was now. It almost seemed like he wo0uld give in, yet, a flicker of movement, the glow of frostmourn down in the battlefield filled him with a rage that had sustained him far more often than he would admit.

Doubt and uncertainty fled him as he surged to his feet, his axe held in hand. “Arthas!” he cried with a fury, his feet starting to carry him down the rocky cliffs. He didn’t care if he had to face Him, the Betrayer alone, he would die in the attempt to see him destroyed. Yet, fate saved him from his own anger that day, as on the opposite cliff facet the Forsaken went to work.

As their insidious weapon went to work decimating the ranks of Alliance and Horde soldiers, Adilay was thrown off his feet from the blasts from the plague bombs. From his perch he was out of range of the worst of the damage and as the rest of the soldiers fled, Adilay became torn. Arthas was still there, he could reach him. As he regained his feet, he almost began to charge down into the killing mists to meet his death. But already Arthas was retreating and in the distance the aid from Wyrmcrest was already on the way.

Cursing himself and Arthas, Adilay retreated from the spreading plague mists and joined the rest of his countrymen in flight. Anger and shame hounded him with every step and he vowed to himself that he wouldn’t show the weakness he had shown this day, that he would remain resolute in his purpose and his goal and that he would return to see Arthas destroyed,.

Computer Problems

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:44:54 GMT

So... for those who don't know, last friday my computer went the way of the Dodo. It served me well these last six years and potentially it could be fixed, but really after all the money put into it, it isn't really worth it anymore for something that is a maybe. So I dropped more money than I could really afford on a "new" one. I say "new" because it is a refurbished computer that was the right price for me. I had good reviews from people about the people I was buying from and really... this computer is temporary. I am going to start saving up for a real new computer after the holidays. But theoretically I should be having a new computer next week.

So here is to hoping. In the meantime... I read through all of the books we have here. I think I might be able to read through all of the Guard related Discworld novels by the time I get my new computer. Just need to sit down and read it and stop reading the other random books I have been grabbing off the shelves. I have never been more happy to have a large home library than I am right now.

The Verdict

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:27:58 GMT

"This is to notify you that you are eligible to receive Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payments under the provisions of Title XVI of the Social Security Act."

*dances*

All that worrying for naught. I have been approved. SSI payments have already been sent to my bank account.

Next steps:

Apply for personal food stamps
Apply for Oregon Health Plan/Medicaid
Celebrate a little.

Dreams of Space Ships

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 12:10:25 GMT

Just a little dream that I had.

I was part of a tour group or something. I wasn't quite clear on what exactly it was. My impressions during and immediately after was that it was some sort of class/educational sort of thing but I also hesitate to call it a field trip. Anyway, I was with this group and we all had a lot of baggage/backpacks because we were traveling around and that sort of thing. And we arrived at this tiny little place that was an airport, though it was little bigger than a bus depot. (it's appearance on the inside for seating while waiting vaguely resembled KOTOR 2's Taris spaceport, minus the aliens and droids, but with plenty of wierd, which I will get to later)

Anyway we show up and our group was met by a man in a flight suit. And he informs us that the shuttles are ready to take us up. And that this is a once in a life time opportunity. Then he turns to me and says that I can't go this time. Next time I might be able to be squeezed in. This of course was contradicting what he said about it being a once in a life time thing. The others got really excited and pretty much all forgot about me. I remember feeling really hurt because everyone else got to go to space and I didn't. (because the shuttles... were space shuttles)

Anyway I got sent off to wait in the sunken in area where the waiting area was to wait the couple of days for their return. I got some vending machine pretzels and when I opened the package there were only 4 pretzels accompanied by 4 bugs. They were like flies but disc-like in shape. They started to fly around me and I started to smack them down. I had finally gotten them under control when suddenly someone else who I remembered from my group came up with a big bag of pretzels. She sat down with me and told me how she thought it was unfair that they weren't letting me go, even though there was plenty of room. She then gave me the bag of pretzels and I opened it up. There were a lot more pretzels there, but also a lot more of those weird bugs.

So we go running out of there onto the landing field where there are six modern space shuttles in a row taking off. Two are already in the air. (They took off not in the conventional way of space shuttles, but more like planes). The woman from the group said that we should go and sneak me on one so they can't stop me from going, to which I agreed. So we started running across the air field towards the space shuttles which were way too large to be taking off from this airport. We started dodging baggage carts and refueling trucks along the way an d security began to chase us. However security soon resorted to shooting at us and we were dodging and weaving more hectically.

What happened next was wierd. I was running, striving to get away and I lost sight of the person I was running with from the group. And then suddenly I began accelerating forward so fast that everything around me blurred so I couldn't see where I was going. My feet left the ground and eventually I crashed in a residential area on a sidewalk.

Feeling just fine after my crash landing I stood up and started walking back to the airport, determined to make it on one of the space shuttles. I had gone two blocks when I encountered a group of disgustingly dressed people, two guys and one girl. They had a yard sale going on, except the yard sale was made up entirely of things that had been scorched and charred beyond recognition. A lot of it looked like scrap. One of the guys remained quiet and off to the side during the entire thing. The main guy, he stopped me and started trying to sell me this twisted piece of metal. Which I kept refusing to buy and try and get around him to continue on.

The woman who was all kinds of nasty was trying to flirt with me and get me to go out with her right in front of her boyfriend (the guy trying to make the sale). I kept refusing and kept dodging her advances until her boyfriend suddenly grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let me go saying I would buy something. He had a hold on my legs and then his girlfriend grabbed one of my arms effectively trapping me.

The last thing I remembers was spending a good bit of time yanking away from them trying to get away before suddenly being catapulted forward like I was on the airfield and when I came to a stop I woke up.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 04:31:30 GMT

Heh so I woke up to fun news today. Foodstamps are being cut starting next month. Less than half of what they were. So.... that means that an already threadbare budget needs to become even tighter. >.< Here is to hoping I get a positive response on SSI this month. Then the cut in food stamps will not matter.

Checking in

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 06:01:01 GMT

Greetings and Salutations to those of you out there in toyland. I'm just stopping in for my bi-yearly check in. Not that that is intentional, but when I saw that it had been twenty seven weeks since my last post I figured that yeah that is about what it has been. I'll try and check here more in case anyone is still paying attention to this blog. I have fallen out of use with it, but I think it could be valuable to make use of it every now and then again.

Updates with me:

I'm still living in Oregon, haven't moved, couldn't move if I wanted to at this point. I'm jobless and my health has taken a turn for the worse. I don't know if I wrote about this or not, but a year and a half ago I broke my leg. It took an unusually long time to heal and since then I have been dealing with a number of increasingly worse health issues. Some of it seems to have stabilized and I have even made some progress in treating some of the issues, but it is very slow going.

Back in February I lost my insurance and things around here have been kinda by the skin of the teeth to get by. However we are making it along alright and well I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I've applied for SSI benefits and I should hear back within the month about them. I've been very nervous about the process because they pulled it into quality review. And while I know that holds no bearing on if my case was accepted or denied it still worries me. I jump to the conclusion that maybe it was denied and they just want to be sure it was the right decision to deny it and that they will go ahead and deny it. Now I know logically that if such were case it is actually good because it gives me a second chance (pre appeals) to get a positive decision. But it doesn't make it any easier.

The big issue here is that I cannot get on Oregon Health Plan without being on SSI. If I can get even one dollar of SSI, I can get on Oregon Health PLan which will mean I can start getting my medical treatments again. Which is good. My doctor had been fighting to get a surgery approved for me. And he got word back it was approved... two days after we found out we were losing our insurance by the end of the month. So I am hoping that once I can get on Oregon Health Plan that I can get that approved and just in general get the help I need health wise to become productive again.

And this has started turning into a longer post than I had anticipated and I'm sorry. If anyone has any questions feel free to leave some I'll check in on this thing again later. *waves*

What is this, an update?!

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 14:35:15 GMT

Yes it is. Though not much of one I am sorry. I just figured I would let people know yes I am alive, I am doing as well as can be and I'm around. I nearly forgot about this thing and was sitting here suffering from insomnia and thought I would post this. So, howdy.

RIP Gary Gygax

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 20:24:28 GMT

Let us take a moment to hang our dice bags in silent homage for the passing of a great. The Father of modern roleplaying has touched the gaming lives of many of those I know here in some fashion. His passing is a great loss to the gamer community. He will be missed.

LARP Meme

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 02:54:24 GMT

Ask a question to any one of my many LARP personas, living or dead. Remember, this is all OOC and you aren't allowed to use it in character, because I know one or two of my characters are NPC's somewhere

LARP personas available for questioning:

John Stevenson (Gangrel, Cam/independent, GBN)
Gregory Livingston (Nosferatu, Camarilla, GBN)
Mikel Morgan, (Tremere, Cam/The Family, GBN)
Thomas Edvilson (Malkavian, Camarilla, GBN)

and now for the other LARPs..

uhm...so many characters so if you want to ask one of them specify what one and I will answer them.

The morphine the better...

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 03:41:44 GMT

A somethingortheother plateau tibial fracture. My newest friend and enemy. Someone I got to meet on Saturday when I was walking home stepped off of the sidewalk into some mud which slipped out from under me and sent me into some splits and a crash that left me with my broken leg. And thus until just now I was in the hospital getting taken care of. I'm doing fine and am at home again thankfully. But yeah...what a way to start off the new year! lol. Anyway I am back and on messengers. See ya folks around.

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 07:31:46 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In September I donated bone marrow to syzer_flamewind in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In March I pushed littlnerdgirl in the mud (-17 points). In June I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last Friday on a flight to Colorado Springs, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). In January I punched kaveman_karl in the arm (-10 points).

Overall, I've been nice (252 points). For Christmas I deserve a Pony Slaystation 3!

Sincerely,
kelindel1

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 09:32:47 GMT

Yes, I am here, I am alive for whatever that is worth anymore. No I haven't been keeping up on LJ in a long time. So if there is anything important you want me to know please leave it in a comment, whether public or private or e-mail it to me. I may post something in the future I may not. Really if I posted much of anything it would be the same old depressive crap so probably not. But I am here, still in portland and I am on my messengers if anyone feels so inclined as to talk.

Mon, 14 May 2007 05:47:04 GMT

Wahoo a 104 degree fever is a fun thing to have.

Tue, 08 May 2007 14:11:59 GMT

Happy flunk day. Time for first nap of the day.

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 21:27:26 GMT

*waves goodbye to theatre* A curtain call and then sitting in the shop for the next show is all that is left. Unless something comes up I don't anticipate doing anymore theatre now. So...well I'll catch you all on the flip side.

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 20:26:47 GMT

And thus I am 5 minutes from places on what very well could be the last show I ever do. Here is to you Theatre...it's been an interesting ride, I'm not sure anymore if you are what I want to do with myself but you will have always had an effect on my life.

WAHOOO!!!

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 04:32:38 GMT

AND THUS HE LIVES ON!

It's been a while

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 08:31:49 GMT

But I just wanted to say that...

I lost the game.

www.losethegame.com

I have lost it a couple of times this week but decided I would announce it here this time.

My Soul is Gone

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 05:02:09 GMT

And thus my rep term begins. Earlier I finished my auditions and tomorrow I will see what happens. I will have even less time than normal as I will be so busy doing all of that work. I hope I can see some of you eventually during this term, but it may not be much with the work I must do. For those who don't know our two shows are Working and Mad Woman of Chaillot. We'll see what happens this term as we enter the Red Rep Term as I have begun to call it.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:18:21 GMT

Haven't updated in a long time so here is what everyone else is doing.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 20:55:03 GMT

So yeah, talking to Dean Bailey wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Hopefully things will work out from this. We will see what happens.

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 01:45:12 GMT

*waves goodbye to all of his time*

I'm in Leonardo's Last supper as Lasca! WOOOO!!!! Now I'm doing that and being dramaturge for the show.

On another note

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 01:07:43 GMT

So I finished my play this week. I'm going to get it workshoped and then send it to those who may put it on. Hopefully things will work out well.

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 16:05:35 GMT

RIP
Ten Trong Tran aka "Sniper" Dec. 20 1986 - Sept. 17 2006.

You were a good person and will sorely be missed. I am sad to see you gone, but I am glad the pain of cancer is no longer bothering you. My prayers are with your family in the following days and weeks.